Lost and renewed: Three Areas Hope Reverses the Pain of Domestic Abuse

A healthy relationship is one where self esteem is built up, opinions are freely shared and discussed, and trust is established. An abusive relationship destroys self esteem and undermines trust. Today, we will explore three things you lose in an abusive relationship and how being part of a support community can restore your heart. 

Of course, as you go through this blog, you may have experienced more losses than we touched on. This blog explores three of the most common things lost to abuse, as well as the restoration found in healing. But God does not stop with three, He will restore your whole heart, because He has come that you might have abundant life! 

John 10:10 shows this contrast beautifully: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Loss of Clarity

Do you ever feel like you're walking through fog after a fight with your husband? Like the world sharpens during the good times, but blurs and distorts during the bad? This isn't your imagination. The Cycle of Abuse, with its unpredictable highs and lows, can leave you feeling constantly off-balance. Confusion replaces clarity after so many unpredictable responses and behaviors from your husband. 

Truth Clarified 

God's Word clearly establishes right from wrong, appropriate, and healthy from unhealthy. Love is stupposed to be patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). God hates anger and wrath (Proverbs 22:34). Look at the attributes of God to see how He wants you to be treated.

Taking time to learn facts about abuse can bring an "aha moment" to clarify what abuse is and the tactics used. Check out our Resource Page for books and articles to learn more.

Loss of Voice

Another way you can be controlled is keeping you from expressing your concerns and opinions. The abuser could use anger, intimidation, threats, silent treatment, and the like. See the Power and Control Wheel. After so many endless and irrational arguments, it is just easier and safer for you not to share your concerns, opinions, or thoughts unless they line up with his. And so, you lose your voice. 

Confidence Encouraged

After years of being silenced by angry reactions (loud or silent, aggressive or passive), shaming, and blaming, it is not easy to find the words to speak with confidence. However, that confidence will grow when you surround yourself with safe people who support you. Joining a community like our Oasis Bible Studies will help you find your voice to speak out against the habitual sinful behavior. You will gain confidence as you stand on God's Word.

Caution: If you are still with your husband and he has highly aggressive tendencies, silence about opinions contrary to his may be the safest plan for you right now. Safety is always a priority! We have safety plans and Resources for you. 

Loss of Self

When you experience confusion in a relationship combined with the need to silence your voice, you begin to lose the essence of who you are. You want to keep the peace in your marriage, and may eventually lose the connection to your own heart to maintain that relationship. 

Value Affirmed

Emotionally and spiritually healing from a place of hopelessness, self-doubt, and invalidation takes time. Surrounding yourself with life-giving words will help to replace deadness and numbness. Finding a safe support network, reading and listening to encouraging words, and building your identity in Jesus will help your heart to heal. 

 Many women go through a period of re-discovering who they are, like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon! Give yourself grace and time through your own journey. And remember, no matter how you feel about yourself, God sees you as a beautiful creation! 

 There is hope

The main goal of the Oasis Bible Study is to restore your hope and dignity through God's truth. When you learn the truth about domestic abuse, the confusion clears, your voice is found, and your self worth is restored as you realize who you are in Christ.  

 Even though you have lost things because of abuse, through time and with support, you can have an abundant life!