Healing From Church Betrayal
Apr 09, 2025“My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong…” Daniel 6:22
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My Head in the Mouth of a Lion
By Wendy – Oasis Alumni
Time doesn’t heal…Healing takes time. This has been my experience since God started me down a path of healing in 2016. He has a purpose to His order of this process. He has graced me with my healing being cyclical; coming full circle to allow not only the healing but also expanding my capacity to forgive. Oftentimes in my experience with God, He is literally holding open the mouth of the lion, tracking me down, and making me stick my head into the lion’s mouth; simultaneously subduing the lion while speaking love, patience, teaching, and life over me. God does this, stretching my trust in Him, beyond anything I would ever choose myself. This truth is reflected in Proverbs 4:6-7 NIV
“Do not forsake her (wisdom), and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it costs all you have, get understanding.”
I had already completed my Oasis Bible Study - Book 2 and had also been reading through book one. My husband’s behaviors were textbook abusive behaviors and language I was learning about. I also had found out that the Oasis Bible Studies was supported by this church and the Oasis flyers were placed in the women’s restroom stalls.
I was clearly led through prayer to leave a twenty-three-year marriage filled with abuse, mentally, spiritually, financially, emotionally, and heading toward physically. I had no idea what leaving that was supposed to look like. I knew God said, “Go.” I began to see how this abuse was affecting my daughters and went forward in agreement with God’s command.
It began by meeting with a couple who were elders in the church we had been attending for six years. We had several things in common with our children and I had become very close to them. We shared many memories together. When I began to pour out my heart that night, they heard me and saw me and quickly chose to support me and my daughters through this journey. One thing they asked was whether or not I was willing to work with a team at the church who worked with couples like mine. I agreed. What played out was not what I was anticipating.
Trust Turned to Betrayal
I went into this process expecting a safe support system, but it quickly began to turn into a nightmare. I was being shamed for my choice to leave rather than him being called out on the abuse. I stuck with the process of going through this team, believing it was the right thing to do. The night they were going to make a decision as to whether there were grounds for divorce, I knew where things were headed. Thirty minutes before the Zoom call, I was literally dry heaving over a garbage can. I knew this team was going to declare me “in the wrong.” I also knew God was asking me to stand firm with Him and take a stand in the meeting.
The Zoom call happened, and they declared I had no grounds for divorce. By the strength of the Holy Spirit, I asked the whole group if any of them …all men by the way…had even read these Oasis books. You could hear a pin drop. I went on to say that based on what I was learning they were wrong.
Needless to say, they chose to end their team support if I chose to divorce my husband. Even harder to swallow was their enthusiastic support of my daughters, letting me clearly know many times they were doing this to support my girls…meaning I was in the wrong for going down this road. Those remarks really played into the shame I already had carried around for years in my toxic marriage. I was being shamed as a mom now too. I explained what I felt that day was being taken on a boat into shark infested water and made to walk the plank then just left to drown or be eaten on my own.
As I continued to pour into my Oasis books and classes, I found a lifeline. One day as Diane was facilitating my class and hearing my story, she asked me what church I was attending. She was shocked to find out it was a church who had been very supportive of Living Waters of Hope and had the Oasis Bible Study flyers in the women’s restroom stalls. When she told me this, I was shocked as well and even more hurt. Diane and I began to connect more frequently, and she shared with me her vision to expand the ministry to train church leadership teams so they would be better equipped to help people in my situation.
After being on this journey to escape domestic abuse and do it in partnership with the Lord from November 2022 until fall of 2024, Diane was coming to my area. She asked if I would be willing to get together with this same group of leaders to get an opportunity to have a voice about my experience and allow forgiveness to flow.
A Chance to Forgive
This meeting happened recently. I was a bit nervous but more determined to use my experience as a learning tool so that other women wouldn’t have the same experience. At the same time, I was given an opportunity to forgive,” face to face” to a group of people that I did care about.
I now understand…You don’t know what you don’t know. This is the most important lesson Living Waters of Hope has given me. People do their best with the knowledge and understanding they have. Church leaders need the ministry and training of Living Waters of Hope to love and protect those who finally find the courage to leave an abusive marriage.
I never thought I was the perfect wife and all the struggles were because of my soon to be ex-husband. I do know God had called me to work on me since 2016 and I submitted. What God built in me until His timing, and my finding the truth and courage to leave, came together to allow me to experience a spiritual maturity and partnership with the Lord that seemed impossible before now.
The path to healing is the road less traveled. It is not easy or inviting. It requires much prayer, humility and faith. Healing requires community and safe relationships. It requires earnestly seeking God’s truth in your life; the past and the present. Being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.
Hebrews 12: 2 says, “And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of our faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God.”
We are called into a faith relationship focused on Jesus and his finished work on the cross.
Note from Diane:
Wendy is one of too many women who are being further shamed and victimized by their church leaders and their teams. It is imperative that all church staff and lay leaders be trained in domestic abuse to avoid the hurt and further betrayal Wendy experienced.
I am so thankful for the caring pastor of this church who was willing to create space for further healing to take place for Wendy and educational opportunity for the church staff and lay leaders who had helped her.
Wendy was incredibly brave to meet with those who had hurt her. She truly loves these individuals and friends. I was so impressed as I spoke with Wendy before our meeting when she told me that she had forgiven them and just appreciated being able to share her voice about her experience working with them.
Interestingly, by the time the meeting happened, the truth about her husband's harmful behavior had been more clearly revealed. Wendy respectfully read her words expressing what it was like for her to go through the church process. I was so proud of her courage to use her voice to carefully share the truth and also to educate those in the meeting. It was evident that they missed key red flags in her story which I was able to point out. The lead pastor asked Wendy for forgiveness for the hurt she experienced from them as church leaders. Wendy accepted this gift.
