Tips for Survivors Navigating the Holidays

The holidays are traditionally a time we gather to celebrate with people we love. We often think of this season as being filled with joy, tradition, and plenty of family time. But, for women living in abusive relationships, there is a dark side to the expectations and pressures surrounding the holidays.

As one woman shares, “we are the perfect family of four sitting on the front row looking like we have it all together.”

She and her husband are involved in ministries within their church. But the rest of the sad but true story is that her husband has been abusive behind their closed door for over twenty years. Today, we want to take just a bit of time to unpack how you can navigate this holiday season in the midst of abuse. 

Did you know that domestic violence incidents often spike during the holiday season?

The combination of stress, financial pressure, and increased alcohol consumption can create a toxic environment for you, as your spouse attempts to maintain his control. Additionally, the pressure to maintain a perfect holiday image can lead abusers to exert greater control over you. This, coupled with the isolation that often comes with the holidays (see below), can make it difficult for you to seek help or escape the abusive situation. 

An important step as you navigate this challenging time, is to create a safety plan, which outlines strategies for staying safe in your home, especially during the holidays. This may involve identifying safe places to go, packing a bag with essential items, and having a code word to alert others to a crisis. We have safety planning tools to help you!

You may have attended family gatherings and social events, which exposed you to judgment and scrutiny, making it harder to seek help. Or your spouse may manipulate you to push away your loved ones, leaving you alone during a season when you long to gather with family. Additional pressure to create special memories for your children, without upsetting your abusive spouse, can cause you to feel stressed and guilty. 

As you navigate feelings of isolation and judgment, you can connect with faith-based support groups or online communities like Oasis Bible Studies. These groups provide a safe space to share experiences, receive encouragement, and learn from others who have been through similar situations. Additionally, you can find comfort and strength in Christ by reading scripture and praying – He wants to walk with you in this season. There is hope and belonging available in a supportive faith community.

Did you know that financial strain can exacerbate domestic abuse, especially during the holidays?

The pressure to buy gifts, host gatherings, and maintain appearances can lead to arguments, control, and abuse.  Abusers may use financial control as a tactic to isolate and manipulate you. This can be particularly challenging during the holidays when financial burdens are high and you want to buy gifts and go on activities for your children.

Financial abuse can take many forms, such as withholding money, limiting access to funds, or forcing you to rely on him for financial support (you can learn more about financial abuse on the “understanding domestic abuse page on our site). This can leave you feeling trapped and powerless, unable to meet your own needs or the needs of your children. 

You might feel obligated to attend a family gathering where your abuser will be present, even if it means risking further abuse. Or, you might feel pressured to host a holiday party, even if it means spending more time with your abuser and less time with supportive friends and family. 

No matter where you are in your healing journey, it is important  to have a realistic expectation of what the season will hold for you and think through ways to stay safe and remember who you are in Christ. 

If possible and practical, try to create your own personalized traditions that promote healing and self-care. Can you spend time with supportive friends and family? engage in activities that bring you joy? Spend an hour at your favorite coffee shop reading or journaling? Through setting boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being, you can navigate the holiday season with greater peace and safety. 

Remember...Romans 8:32-37

God is for you! God declares you righteous! God does not condemn you! God's love for you inseparable!