Domestic Abuse & Trauma: A Survivor's Guide

If you are reading this blog...chances are you have suffered from domestic abuse. We applaud you for being here and know that it takes incredible courage to begin to take steps towards healing. Learning about domestic abuse and the effects survivors experience will help you know what to look for and how to direct your healing efforts. Some of things you might be experiencing is hypervigilance, difficulty sleeping at night, struggling to manage your emotions, and/or having panic attacks (among other reactions).

Trauma goes hand and hand with abuse experienced in any relationship, especially domestic abuse. But you can take courage, knowing that God will not let this destroy you! “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).

The very nature of domestic abuse is a form of relational trauma which includes deep betrayal. The Department of Justice describes it: 

“Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.... it can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person."

Why do I feel like I can’t control my emotions? 

Experiencing abuse from someone you love can be incredibly damaging. The trauma from this abuse can impact you in many ways, including emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, sexually, and physically. They impact your heart, mind, body, and spirit, making it difficult to live your life as you once did. 

Understanding Your Response

Your brain and body become overwhelmed and shift into survival mode. This prolonged abuse, a type of chronic trauma, affects each person deeply and differently. The good news is that you don't have to navigate this alone. By exploring your responses to trauma and seeking support, you can find hope and begin to heal.

Trauma and Domestic Abuse 

American Psychological Association (APA) defines trauma as:

“events or experiences that are shocking and overwhelming, typically involving major threat to the physical, emotional, or psychological safety and well-being of the individual victim(s) and loved ones and friends (as well as to others).” ²

Domestic abuse fits within the definition of trauma.  As Dan Allender, a Christian counselor and trauma expert, suggests, trauma can be "any violation that disrupts your life and feels threatening." ³  The abuse you endured was disruptive and likely made you feel unsafe. This is why your brain and body may still be in "survival mode" even if the immediate danger has passed.

A Truth to Remember: God Cares for You

David writes in Psalm 56:8-9 out of his own season of abandonment and distress, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book… This I know, that God is for me.”  Wrap your heart in this truth—God is with you and for you every step of the way.

Post-Traumatic Stress After Domestic Abuse

It's common to experience stress after a traumatic event like domestic abuse. This stress can manifest in a range of symptoms and vary in intensity for each woman in an abusive situation. Having these symptoms doesn't necessarily mean you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but it's important to seek professional help to understand your experience.

PTSD is a consideration when 1) the symptoms of trauma are experienced for more than a month and 2) these symptoms meet a specific criterion determined by the American Psychological Association. There is a full list of criteria for PTSD at the end of this article in Appendix A.

God created your brain to protect you

When life is overwhelming, your brain has an involuntary response to separate you from overwhelming experiences. One way this happens is through dissociation, which involves a temporary disconnect between ourselves, our thoughts, memories, and surroundings.  Dissociation can feel like feeling numb or detached from your emotions or body. This is a beautiful and amazing way God has designed the brain to protect itself when you have experienced trauma. 

Dissociation is more prevalent for women who have experienced childhood trauma. While it's a natural defense mechanism, it can be disruptive in daily life. Healing in this area includes integrating these fractured pieces back together which typically takes time, intentionality, and professional help.

“...PTSD, isn’t a personal failure; rather, it is a treatable malfunction of certain biological mechanisms that allow us to cope with dangerous situations.” ⁵

There are a specific number of requirements in each area that determines an official PTSD diagnosis. A person does not have to experience all the listed APA criteria symptoms to have PTSD, yet they may experience different symptoms over time. I want to pause here and say that Living Waters of Hope and our facilitators are not licensed counseling professionals. We are not qualified to offer any kind of diagnosis. We are here to educate people in trauma to help them put a few more pieces together.

Again, everyone responds to trauma differently and fits within a spectrum or range of intensity and impact. That said, research indicates that “women are twice as likely to develop PTSD, experience a longer duration of post traumatic symptoms and display more sensitivity to stimuli that remind them of the trauma.” ⁶

• There is life after abuse. You can heal from betrayal and build up your life and identity. God is with you! He is for you on your good days and hard days!

• Stay connected to others. Even though it is hard at times, a safe community will encourage you. Living Waters of Hope offers the safe Oasis Community to any woman seeking support.

• Be gentle, kind, and patient with yourself. Healing from the trauma of abuse takes years. Many of the physical and psychological reactions are involuntary. It is not a matter of positive thinking. Your mind and body have been reprogrammed and it takes time and hard work to be able to manage trauma and do life at the same time.

• Go to God’s word. It is always a great place to find comfort, hope, and healing. Psalm 34:18 says God is close to the brokenhearted. His Word is the light in the darkness.

 I hope this article has opened new doors of awareness. Understanding trauma is the first step to healing from it in your life. Our hearts are open to you. We want to offer you resources and a community to support you in your journey. You are priceless and loved beyond measure.

Appendix A

American Psychological Association – PTSD Criteria

 Disclaimer: Living Waters of Hope and our facilitators are not licensed counseling professionals. We are not qualified to offer any kind of diagnosis nor are we doing so with this information. Our intent is to educate you in this area of trauma assessment. For an official diagnosis of any kind, seek out a licensed counselor or trauma therapist.

 Criterion A – (one required)

The person was exposed to death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence in the following ways:

• Direct exposure

• Witnessing the trauma

• Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma
• Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the occupation of professional duties

Criterion B – Intrusive memories (one required)

Symptoms of intrusive memories may include:

• Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event

• Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks)

• Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event

• Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event 

Criterion C – Avoidance (one required)

Symptoms of avoidance may include:

• Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
• Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event

Criterion D – Negative changes in thinking and mood (two required)

Symptoms of negative changes in thinking and mood may include:

• Negative thoughts about yourself, other people or the world

• Hopelessness about the future

• Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event

• Difficulty maintaining close relationships

• Feeling detached from family and friends

• Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed

• Difficulty experiencing positive emotions
• Feeling emotionally numb

Criterion E – Changes in physical and emotional reactions (all required)

Symptoms of changes in physical and emotional reactions (also called arousal symptoms) may include:

• Being easily startled or frightened

• Always being on guard for danger

• Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast

• Trouble sleeping

• Trouble concentrating

• Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior
• Overwhelming guilt or shame

Criterion F – Symptoms last for more than one month (required)

Criterion G – Symptoms create distress or functional impairment (for instance, in social and occupational settings) (required) ⁷

Sources:

1. https://www.ojp.gov/sites/g/files/xyckuh241/files/archives/factsheets/ojpfs_domesticviolence.html
2. https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/ptsd.pdf
3. Dr. Dan Allendar – From a training session on trauma – 2022
4. https://centerforanxietydisorders.com/what-is-trauma/
5. Joelle Rabow https://www.ted.com/talks/joelle_rabow_maletis_the_psychology_of_post_traumatic_stress_disorder)
6. https://www.apa.org/advocacy/interpersonal-violence/women-trauma
7. This list is a combination/adaptation of the following two sources: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967 and https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/ptsd.pdf