Finding Your Voice: It Is Okay to Speak Up About Abuse in your Christian Marriage

As a Christian woman, your expectation of marriage was one of love, being cared for, respected, and honoring God together. However, for 1 in 4 Christian wives, this is not the reality. Their marriages are controlling, demeaning, confusing, scary, and not God honoring. Their husbands captured their hearts and built up trust only to use it against them. Eventually, an abusive Christian husband can twist scripture to manipulate her to do what he wants - saying things like "you aren't a good Christian if you don't forgive me for what I did to you" or using "submission" and "obedience" to control her. 

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Does this sound familiar?

Are you a Christian woman experiencing any of these things at home?

Have you felt the light of God's truth fade into the darkness of the lies you have been told? A sense of fear and hopelessness may consume you as you just try to get through the day. You want to reach out for help but you are wrestling with the decision to speak up about what is going on behind closed doors. 

Know this: Your voice matters. Your pain is real. You are worthy of love and respect. 

We understand that it might feel easier to stay silent about the abuse you are experiencing. Perhaps it is even hard to accept that what you are facing IS abuse. You might telling yourself you have a "hard marriage" or that it is your fault and you need to pray more or be better. But even if you have accepted that you need to tell someone about what is going on, you could still be hesitating for a variety of reasons, like:

• The Fear of Not Being Believed: Sadly, the misconception that abuse doesn't happen in Christian marriages persists. You might worry that your church family won't believe you (your husband could be well liked at church, even in leadership).
• The Shame of "Worldly" Problems: There can be a belief that faith shields us from things like abuse...that those things are "secular" and don't exist in the church. But that is just not true. Abuse can happen to anyone regardless of economics, education, age, position, gender, or race. is sin and all of us struggle with our sin natures.
• Shame of Bringing Dishonor: You can fear bringing shame on yourself, your family, your church, or even God. This shame can be a powerful silencer. But that shame belongs to the abuser and not to the victim. Staying silent protects the abuser - who has violated the sanctity of marriage

Silence never truly benefits you as the victim. It only benefits the abuser and enables further abuse. No matter what your reason is for wanting to keep this secret - once it is out, help can be found, and the door opened for more healing. 

It is the beginning of finding your voice and wholeness.

While it is important to share what is going on in your marriage...it is equally important to make sure that you find SAFE person to confide in. Look for someone that you know will take you seriously, someone that will keep your confidentiality, and offer wise counsel. This could be a pastor, co-worker, friend, or family member. If you can't think of anyone, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1.800.799.7233) or reach out to [email protected]..

If you are ready to find a way out of the confusion, shame, and silent suffering from domestic abuse - the Oasis Bible Study Online Support Classes can be part of your healing journey.  These Bible studies were designed with you in mind and offer Biblical truths combined with practical education about domestic abuse. 

Remember, God's love for you is unwavering. He sees your pain, and it matters to Him.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3