Love, Not Control: Reclaiming Your Faith Journey After Spiritual Abuse

God’s design for your life and marriage does not include abuse. 

Within the realm of domestic abuse, spiritual abuse is deeply confusing and personal. And it undermines what should be your greatest source of hope and joy—scripture and your relationship with Christ. 

Spiritual abuse takes your faith and twists it. Abusers manipulate and misinterpret scripture to fit their needs, and maintain power and control over you. We’d like to briefly share some of the tactics of spiritual abuse, then show God’s good plan for you and your relationships. 

What is Spiritual Abuse?

There are several types of spiritual abuse, most of which misapply scripture to control you or to justify your husband’s action. In the context of an abusive relationship, spiritual abuse is just another tool to manipulate his power over you. 

We have a whole sheet explaining different tactics of spiritual abuse, which you can find here. 

Unfortunately, many of the things that God calls you to—faith, gentleness, forgiveness, compassion, and love—can be turned against you by an abuser. Those qualities are God-honoring, but are being taken advantage of.

Your faith is an important part of your life and how you see yourself... this makes spiritual abuse deeply painful and confusing. You might wonder if you are messing up or doing enough to honor God. You might question the truth of scripture, since it seems to allow your husband to be abusive. 

2 Timothy 3:16-17 has a great message on this—if your husband uses scripture in ways that are not training you in righteousness and equipping you for good work, he is misinterpreting scripture. Though the sins of man try to twist it, God’s Word can be life-giving truth for you. 

Reconciling Faith with Abuse

Spiritual abuse may have caused you much pain and brought confusion, as your source of strength and truth was used as a weapon against you. We encourage you to recognize this pain and the ways you associate it with your faith. 

We also want to reassure you that God does not condone abuse. We are told of the selfish and hurtful living we are putting aside by following Jesus, and of the freedom we now have as new creations (Colossians 3:8-10). Psalm 9:9-10 encourages us that God will be a stronghold for the oppressed—His heart breaks with you in your pain and hurt. 

The truth is God’s design for healthy marriage has been broken by your husband. His desire to have power and control over you is not what God desires. God created marriage to have mutual respect, responsibility, and growth. When your husband choses not to love you as “Christ loved the church,” he is chosing not to submit to God and His plan for your marriage (Ephesians 5:25). This creates many challenges as you try to do what God has asked of you as a wife.

Whether you decide to stay or leave your relationship, you can still honor and walk with the Lord. Your relationship with Him will carry you through all things. He will give you strength and value. He will restore your soul and guide you in righteousness (Psam 23:3). Grounding your value in Him will allow you to set loving, healthy boundaries. 

Abuse is self-foucused, harsh, and controlling. But a right relationship with Jesus will bear fruit of love, patience, gentleness, and self-control. 

“Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for You are my praise.” Jeremiah 17:24 Our prayer is that you will cry out to the Lord for healing. Tell Him of your wounds and the hurt that has come from the misinterpretation of His word. He loves you and He longs to be near to you. You can find hope again!

If you would like more faith-based resources for domestic abuse, check out our resource page. And to get plugged into a community to support you on your journey from abuse to hope, join our Oasis Bible study.