The Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse

Have you ever questioned the emotional intimacy of your marriage, wondering if things are "normal",  if you're overreacting, or if the way he treats you really isn’t right? Emotional abuse can be insidious and hard to recognize, especially in the beginning. And oftentimes your experiences can feel insignificant in the bigger picture of your life, until the emotional damage has built up. 

One survivor shares why she justified emotional abuse, “In my marriage, I wanted to be a God follower, so I was submissive to my husband. Therefore, I let him treat me and talk to me however he wanted, even if it was not God honoring…. There are ways I could have stood up for myself and had more confidence in what His Word says about me.” This is why many Christian women stay trapped in a cycle of hurt, believing they deserve the treatment they receive.

Like all types of abuse, emotional abuse follows a cyclical pattern. It starts with a honeymoon phase, where your partner is loving and charming. Then, tension builds as criticism, put-downs, and manipulation creep in. This escalates to outbursts, followed by apologies and promises to change. These apologies and promises create a false sense of hope, making you believe things can change. However, the cycle inevitably repeats, usually with increasing frequency and intensity, reinforcing the belief that you deserve this treatment. For more information on the cycle of abuse, click here. 

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse is often hidden. Imagine it like a rose-colored filter through which you see everything. This filter makes it difficult to identify subtle shifts towards controlling behaviors or put-downs, especially as they often come disguised as "constructive criticism" or "just joking." An abusive man will use manipulation and deception to slowly eat away at your sense of reality and your self-worth so he can control you. 

Furthermore, emotional abuse has less shock-factor than physical violence. Without the clear marker of physical harm, you might doubt your own feelings and perceptions. This is especially true when he either apologizes or dismisses his abusive behavior. The constant emotional push-and-pull creates a confusing environment, leaving you questioning your own sanity and reality. It's like being stuck on a rollercoaster of emotions, making it incredibly challenging to recognize the abuse for what it truly is—a systematic attack on your self-worth and emotional well-being.

Here are some signs of emotional abuse:

• Constant Criticism: He belittles your opinions, achievements, or even your appearance.
• Isolation: He discourages you from seeing friends and family, creating a sense of dependence on him.
• Jealousy and Possessiveness: He exhibits excessive jealousy, trying to control your social interactions.
• Name-calling and Humiliation: He uses hurtful words to belittle you, making you feel worthless.
• Gaslighting: He distorts reality, making you question your own perception of events.
• Manipulation: He uses guilt or emotional manipulation to control your actions and decisions.

Does Any of This Sound Familiar? 

Even if you only identify with one or two of these signs, it's important to delve deeper. Our Emotional Abuse Quiz can provide valuable insight and help you determine if your relationship is healthy or needs support.

Take the Quiz Now

This free and confidential quiz will walk you through a series of questions related to emotional abuse behaviors.

Remember, you are not alone. Escaping the cycle is possible—you are worthy of love just the way you are. The quiz is only the first step. If your results raise more questions, we have resources and support options to help you navigate the path to healing.

In sharing this topic with you, our prayer is that your eyes will be opened to the truth of emotional abuse, so that you can find truth!

“Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”  Psalms 25:5